Happiness being a myth could be a myth after all

So, I've come a long way from the days when I used to believe Happiness is Myth. Apparently, a flickr of happiness in my life has made me realized it's going to be a mixed bag and I need to take each day as it comes. Life is built of moments , some happy and some not so happy and together they'll help go through this life. After completing 28 yrs on this earth , I have found love of my life giving a new meaning to my haphazard life. My life has some structure , now that it means something to someone and someone is looking at it. The power of seeing eyes can embarrass you to watch for yourself and improve yourself. But the wedding stress is now getting on to my nerves. Trying to win the heart of my different cast in-laws and not getting much success is frustrating. But the feeling of being loved is definitely helping. Everyday is about coming to learn a new custom that I didn't know earlier. Also, I switched jobs to make a transition from low paying , high stress , zero motivation job to a small time developer, better pay, no stress job which helps to take life in perspective (now that its easier). So, as I am beginning to believe that life is after all not that gloomy. But then I take a glance at news and find about rapes , injustice and despair attempts to come back I still fail to make sense of it, still fail to accept the degrees of unfairness and just not able to find any explanation that justifies the kind of pain some people go through. An IPS officer was run over and killed as he tried to do his duty. Good and honest people are dying an easy death and shrews and dishonest people are thriving. I still wonder what is this trick called life and will there be any final justice to all the drama of the world !

The Accident

Ive always been an insomniac. Always had trouble in finding myself wound in warms arms of sweet slumber. But there are times when day - night boundary gets blurred such as days like these. Every time I lay down to sleep , I am back in the car I am driving along the curvy road and I am going too left and suddenly I lose control. I close my eyes and I see my friend's wife lying in the rock with her head between two huge rocks making noises that are perhaps going to haunt me for the rest of my life.

It happened while we were coming back from San Diego . My friend was in the passenger seat while his newly weded wife was sitting in the rear seat. I lost control and ran the car down the hill. Ever since that evening , I run the car down every night. I am trying to throw myself into work which willingly is piling over my head. But graphics of that evening sneak into my memory.

I often read my friends status message for the pain he is going through seeing his wife recovering from back bone surgery and how they are going to lose one year of her life . Thanks to me. The email he send to me runs over and over in my mind prohibiting me to sleep and I stand guilty as charged. I was driving . I am thankful we all were alive. I didn't think so as we hit the ground. Unfortunately I didn't get a single bruise while ... I feel frustrated and helpless , but I don't even deserve anyone's sympathy , I was driving. After the accident , as the cops , I was prepared to be incarcerated as soon as I became a little coherent. I remember a kind woman asking me to breathe. I don't think unless she had asked me to breathe I would have been able to breathe.

I just wish I could sleep. I wish she gets well. I wish even if it takes one year of her life , she becomes completely fit. I wish I can wake up in the morning without fearing to get by the day. I wish I can sit in a car without shuddering at every turn . I wish I had never agreed to go with them over the weekend . I wish I just wouldn't have driven.

Myth Called Happiness

The title is not an attempt at making any claims for I am not that enlightened .Its just a silent contemplation in words.Is happiness for real ? Can it ever be achieved? I always feel there's something missing inside me keeping me from attaining this state of feeling happy and contended and once I achieve this thing , my life will be as radiant as a meteor sitting cozily in the gaudy company of 'perfect category lives'. The lives that appear to be perfect , some friend's or some friend's sister or some friend's friend's.... How would it feel to know , acknowledge and feel happy.Are there any people who can call themselves happy? Because there is always something... something that's missing,Once we achieve that thing.. something else comes along. Is it naive dreaming to achieve that state when you know you have a 'perfect life'? Is it like chasing the end of the rainbow? Perhaps its all about moments.We have some joyful moments until something comes along that casts these clouds of despair and we realize we are unhappy , but we still have those moments.We think about them , almost feel them , sometimes they torment us, sometimes they comfort us.Is this thing called happiness just a myth?
P.S. I have watched this movie called pursuit of happiness.But then it was a movie!