The Accident

Ive always been an insomniac. Always had trouble in finding myself wound in warms arms of sweet slumber. But there are times when day - night boundary gets blurred such as days like these. Every time I lay down to sleep , I am back in the car I am driving along the curvy road and I am going too left and suddenly I lose control. I close my eyes and I see my friend's wife lying in the rock with her head between two huge rocks making noises that are perhaps going to haunt me for the rest of my life.

It happened while we were coming back from San Diego . My friend was in the passenger seat while his newly weded wife was sitting in the rear seat. I lost control and ran the car down the hill. Ever since that evening , I run the car down every night. I am trying to throw myself into work which willingly is piling over my head. But graphics of that evening sneak into my memory.

I often read my friends status message for the pain he is going through seeing his wife recovering from back bone surgery and how they are going to lose one year of her life . Thanks to me. The email he send to me runs over and over in my mind prohibiting me to sleep and I stand guilty as charged. I was driving . I am thankful we all were alive. I didn't think so as we hit the ground. Unfortunately I didn't get a single bruise while ... I feel frustrated and helpless , but I don't even deserve anyone's sympathy , I was driving. After the accident , as the cops , I was prepared to be incarcerated as soon as I became a little coherent. I remember a kind woman asking me to breathe. I don't think unless she had asked me to breathe I would have been able to breathe.

I just wish I could sleep. I wish she gets well. I wish even if it takes one year of her life , she becomes completely fit. I wish I can wake up in the morning without fearing to get by the day. I wish I can sit in a car without shuddering at every turn . I wish I had never agreed to go with them over the weekend . I wish I just wouldn't have driven.